Sunday, February 13, 2011

The Joys of Procrastinating

There is something about getting nothing done that makes me feel accomplished.  Yesterday, for nearly the entire day I've managed to put off my priorities to the last minute and spent the time doing absolutely useless things instead (such as writing this entry).  I think that's quite a feat, getting nothing done.  And it makes me feel full instead of empty, because although I didn't get anything done, I still stuck to procrastinating for an entire day.

I wonder just how much I'd get done if I channelled all the focus and energy that I spent on procrastinating to doing actual work.  Probably alot.  But still, procrastinating is fun...as long as you ignore its consequences.

I spent the day taking stupid pictures of myself :P
I should really be getting off the mac right now.  But my fingers are making love to the keyboard and I'd hate to ruin such an intimate moment.

That just reminds me, I have to go to school today for this dumb fundraiser that's going to last for four hours or so.  Well, it's not completely dumb because it's the only way our school band makes any money, but I find it ridiculous that my fellow band members and I have to invest our precious sunday free-time in playing some lame band songs while watching people eat pasta.  That's four hours of precious procrastinating time gone.  

There's not enough time to procrastinate.  We should just be given an entire week off for procrastinating mindlessly.  I'm a firm believer in hard work and effort but there are times when I think that us kids, are being overworked and over-scheduled.  Give us a break already, dammit!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

SHUT. UP.

Some people should really get their lips sewn shut.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

What Happened to You?

It just occurred to me that the only thing I excel at is sitting on my ass doing absolutely nothing.  Quite an epiphany no?  It sure as hell doesn't make me feel any better about myself.  I remember one time I put up a sign that said "Whatever you do, be enthusiastic about it".  It still hangs proudly on my door, ignored consistently, but on my door nonetheless.  And as time makes its mark on that sign everyday, I lose enthusiasm for just about everything.  Even my clarinet, which I used to treat like a lover, has become an ex-girlfriend whom I no longer wish to see.  When I play it, I'm not playing music.  I'm just blowing notes.

What is up with me these days?  I find myself wishing to go back to the times when I was always eager to do something, whether it be helping out mom in the kitchen or doing a science project.  I remember in fourth grade I formed a newspaper club and I was editor-in-chief.  I remember we published nonsensical articles about fat people overeating themselves to self-combustion and President Bush's illicit affair with his secretary of State.  The news in those papers were completely phony, but we sure had a blast writing them.  And the best part was handing them out to the other kids who would read the funny stories and have a big laugh.  And everyone would be happy from the laughter and the joy.  I also remember the countless journals and diaries that I filled with stories and squiggly little drawings.  I let my creativity run rampant in those brightly colored notebooks and had to keep a sharp look out on mom, who'd tried to take a peak into one of my entries whenever possible.  I remember in those days, I was a bright, intelligent, and actually quite a nice little boy.

Take a look at me now "Ew, what happened to you?" you say.  Quite right.  Just what the hell happened to me?  I grew up.  That's what happened.  I grew the hell up.  And in the process I lost interest in everything that was dear to me.  I abandoned drawing, I abandoned sports, I abandoned writing, I abandoned music, and I abandoned myself.  Frankly, I don't have a personality.  I'm just a mixture of imitations of people that I want to be. 

Am I burning out?  Maybe.  I'm not sure.  But I'd rather burn out than lose myself like this.  I have absolutely no idea where I'm going nor where I want to be.  I have no idea what I'm capable of nor do I know what I want to get out of life.  Everything I say is either in the past tense or the future tense.  But I am never able to determine exactly what I am doing in the present.  

This isn't a case of low-self esteem.  This is reality knocking on my back door.  I'm no longer a child but I have yet to become an adult.  And the idea of assuming full responsibility for myself sometimes scares the bejesus out of me.  

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thanksgiving

Eyelids are heavy.  Stomach feels bloated.  I am slowly drifting off to sleep with 50 pounds of meat and stuffing inside me.  Happy Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Mama's Breakfast

Every morning I wake up to the sound of an obnoxious ringtone that sounds like a cross between an over-caffeinated hamster and a hyped-up track from a Daft Punk album.  Despite having a rather persuasive alarm, it usually takes me several snoozes to entice me to slide out of my bed and crawl into the shower.  After ten minutes of sluggish scrubbing and washing, I take another five minutes to groggily pick out my outfit for the day.  Then I commence downstairs to have breakfast.

As I make the first few steps of my descent downstairs to the kitchen, I try to guess what my mother might have whipped up in the kitchen.  I inhale deeply, attempting to identify the sources of the scents that waft from the kitchen counter.  On some mornings the scents would be from an average Continental breakfast.  But most of the time, my olfactory senses invite the rich and savory aroma of solid Korean fare to their humble abode. 

And I absolutely love Korean food.  There has never been a single day when I devoured a platter of spicy tofu or downed a steaming bowl of seaweed soup without relish.  I attack that potato noodle salad with alacrity.  I masticate on that seasoned mackerel like a hunting dog maiming its prey.  Every breakfast, a feast is laid out for me. 

But who makes all this food?  Who gets up everyday at 5:00 to fix breakfast and pack my lunch?  My mother.  Yes, she is a busy woman and could be occasionally be more forgetful than my father and I put together, but she will always make sure that I get to have breakfast.  Why, that lady will cook even if there was a war going on outside!  That sheer determination, that undying devotion, that utter joy that is conveyed through her furrowed brow and crooked smile is powerful enough to move a couch potato to take up rigorous exercise.  At first glance she seems just like any other stereotypical Asian housewife: short, temperamental, and diligent.  But when she lays her hands on the knife and the stove, she becomes an alchemist, a conjurer of savory magic and delicious spells.  Her bony fingers stir and weave the freshest ingredients into the most delectable dishes available in Korean cuisine. 

Yet, when I watch my mother cook, I am overcome with pangs of guilt.  Here is this woman who has fed and taken care of me for my entire life, and yet here I am, her son, unable to remember even her birthday.  When was the last time I got her a card or a bouquet of flowers?  When was the last time I said “thank you” or “I love you” to her? 

But my mother’s love is unconditional.  I can tell by the way her breakfast tastes.

Some kids have parents who give them $150 for their allowance. Others have parents who buy them clothes from Armani Exchange and Dolce & Gabbana.  But I have a mother who cooks breakfast for me every single day.  And for the last 17 years, I proclaim with pride, my mother has been the greatest cook in the universe, not because of her excellent culinary skills, but because of the effort that she puts into creating the greatest breakfasts in the universe.                         

Thursday, July 22, 2010

hot

It's too hot
It's hotter than a cookie.
It's hotter than a frying pan.
It's hotter than curry.
It's hotter than India.
It's hotter than brown people.
What am I going to do

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Viva la Revolucion

My eyes have been cleared.  The thirst for education and enlightenment is once again calling, screaming, begging for my attention.  The will to care has returned to me after so many days, weeks, and months wasted on senseless indulgences.  I'm a bit worn out, but still remain optimistic for I still see a hope in the unseen, a gleam of light for my inner revolution.  Cynics love to torment me.  And I embrace them, because I know that I will pull through while they sit on their asses pointing their fat fingers at me.  I still find some people repelling, and I will feel that way about these individuals for quite a while.  But let them be.  They need to live their own way too after all.