Listen to Your Heart

I fell asleep reading "Selected Writings by Ralph Waldo Emerson" last night. Though I only managed to get halfway through the preface, something stuck with me from what I read. Emerson said that when writing down thoughts, one should plunge deeply into his heart and write down what the heart says. Listen to your heart.

I do that too. I listen to my heart when times seem rough. Sometimes, what my heart tells me is not necessarily uplifting. It speaks the brutal truth and sharpens the painful reality. I get scared of myself because of this. Because not everything in this life turns out efficaciously, because nothing is ever perfect, and nothing is ever permanent.

I wish I could comprehend the perspective of the 4th dimension. I wish I could become unstuck in time like Billy Pilgrim and watch my life play before my own eyes like a home video. But then, that would mean life is predestined, and I am not a passionate adherent to that theory.

What my heart tells me shows who I really am. At certain times, it equivocates my judgement and I end up acting on impulse. Just like the time when I saw her I didn't know what to do. My heart screamed out "GO TELL HER YOU LOVE HER" and I did. Didn't expect much. She politely rejected my advance. And I cried.

Not in front of her of course. That would have been embarrassing. But I did cry. I've never cried so much in my life. And it was only over this girl that I knew and loved. I thoroughly berate myself for having allocated all my passions to this girl instead to my parents who love me unconditionally and my ambitions.

Obsession comes from the heart. I guess I write and talk a lot about my personal obsessions. But things are getting better. I've been embraced by fellow crying rabbits and am just in the grueling process of waiting for the Marshmallow Sundown to take us home.

Who are my friends? I cannot tell. Who are my enemies? I cannot tell that either. I do know who I am though. And I do know what my heart tells me. My heart is my true best friend because it doesn't tell lies, it doesn't keep secrets, and it never fails to espouse my personal beliefs and ambitions. However, if my heart physically manifested itself into this world, I would imagine a beautiful girl with long, cascading hair,warm eyes and a smile to die for.

Call me a romantic. I admit I am one. There's nothing wrong with that though. I'm just a lonely high school kid who's just trying to find his way through. I will survive this though. I'm optimistic. Nothing can stop me from achieving what I desire the most. Not even myself.