an epic romance (NOT)

Well
Once upon a time
There was a girl
Who kind of liked this guy
Because he was nice
But then
She realized
That guys
Tend to be dicks
And she had just had her freaking heart
Broken
Guys just make you cry, right?
So what was she even thinking?
And then
She talked herself out of it
THE END.
(even though secretly she's not really sure how she feels, she's pretty sure the best way to play it is to deny it to herself, her journal, and absolutely to everyone she knows, because she's got enough things to cry over and guys are just not worth the tears)

Untitled

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Chocolate Dance

I've been having such a great day. I decided to top it off by eating my last Lindt Chocolate Truffle. (This means I now can start nagging my mother to take me to the Lindt Chocolate store again :))
Eating chocolate makes me SO HAPPY. Usually I eat chocolate when I'm depressed and need something to keep out the boggy sad reaches of my mind, but today I ate chocolate when I was already on an emotional high.

I'm really really really hyper right now.

I was listening to "The Way You Make Me Feel" by Michael Jackson <3>
I could hear weird cracking noises being emitted from my protesting back and the ground shaking from my elephantesque feet. I got a stitch in my side and my hair was flying around like a deranged mop come to life. My arms were spazzing wildly and my neck was not handling the strain well. But despite my lack of grace, flexibility, or general ability to do anything that remotely resembled what dancing is supposed to be, I had SO MUCH FUN.
There's something joyous and free about dancing to a song that you know and love. There's no need to be good at doing it. I'm probably the quintessential NON-dancer. But I still dance. In the privacy of my own home. Where there's no one but my sister who doesn't count because she's my sister.
I would never scar the world by trying to dance in public. I'm really self-conscious of my lack of coordination. I'm such a klutz. I fail at all things requiring hand-eye coordination or foot-eye coordination or movement of the body in general. So this is such a departure from my normal, sedentary lifestyle of sitting there writing, reading, knitting, crocheting, or singing, it's like finding a dragon in your bathtub. Not really. I don't know where that came from. It's the chocolate acting up again.
But sometimes
With the extra stimulus of a Lindt Chocolate Truffle
I channel the force of Michael Jackson
(the spirit of Michael Jackson, not the skill)
And rock out
:)

The Runner is Not a Lonely Man

I went running on my own for the first time in two years, and I'm not gonna lie, it felt great.  Yes, my legs felt like lead and my chest hurt from non-stop jogging, but the relief that followed the rigorous workout was quite rewarding.  It felt like a miracle drug without the nasty side-effects and addictive substances.  

I wish I had gone running sooner.  Instead, I had wasted countless hours in front of the computer, looking at facebook, watching porn (ahem, that's what guys do in their spare time so...) and being passive like a vegetable.  You see, I am giving up on artificial things as a means of entertainment.  Video games bore me.  Youtube bores me.  Nothing really amuses me on TV unless a really good movie is playing.  But the movies I enjoy are rather antiquated and ambiguous compared to the movies that the majority of us adolescents enjoy.  I have yet to meet a friend my age who has seen Kagemusha or a Bout de Souffle or the Seventh Seal.  Forgive me if I sound a bit pretentious, but I have great difficulty discussing movies with my fellow peers, because none of them know what the hell I'm talking about when I mention these movies in our conversations.

Today, I was lying on my bed reading "Selected Writings of Ralph Waldo Emerson".  I had finished reading his journal entries and letters and had just begun to work on his essays.  The first chapter was about nature and its relations with humanity.  Emerson criticized the artificiality of modern life and encouraged handiwork and transcending the material world.  As I read passages that emphasized these points, it struck me how artificial my life had been so far.  Staring at the computer screen for hours, texting away as if there was no tomorrow, doing banal school assignments and labs and other pointless whatnot that our educational system forces down our throats...I got up immediately, put on my sweatshirt, and went running.  

As I ran, I passed countless trees and bushes and branches and acorns and grasses.  I passed rocks and mosses and lichen and fungi and bark and deer and squirrels and dogs.  I also passed people: individuals who also wanted to escape the banalities of their everyday lives and experience something new for a change.  

Nature itself is mundane due to its omnipresence.  Yet, compared to this artificial world of ours, nature is far superior.  In my room, all I hear is the monotonous drone of the computer, the incessant scratching of my pencil, and the artificial crackling of the stereo.  I am all alone.  But when outside running, I am surrounded with life.  I hear birds, I hear trees, I hear water, I hear wind, I hear everything.  This is enough to tell me that I am not alone in this world and that my existence has some value.  

I wish to go running again, only this time I wish to run with friends.  I want it so that my friends, my dear good friends, could also take part in this delightful experience and realize that there is more to life than what society has to offer.  

You're A Genius

In every person lies dormant a genius.  Once conceived to this world, it is the sole purpose of that individual to discover his genius and hone it to the proximity of perfection.  Perfection is impossible, but it is certainly worth a lifetime to attempt it.  


When genius is mentioned, we immediately think of child performers and wizards.  In my opinion, there is no such thing as prodigy.  Prodigy merely defines an early achievement of advanced status.  It does not define character, piety, nor discipline. Scary talent amazes me just as anyone else, but what truly awes me even more is the amount of blood, sweat, and tears an individual sheds to sculpt his talent into genius.


The reason why we believe in prodigy is because we are delusional.  We fail to see, let alone believe the hard work that so-called "prodigies" put into their field of expertise.  We are inclined to acknowledge that their amazing skills are merely inherent.  This delusion therefore discourages the majority to hone their genius, because their negative mindset that genius is an innate concept diminishes their will to match their skills to that of prodigies.    


Innate concept?  Quite the contrary.  Genius is attainable by everyone.  When one looks for his genius however, he is consistently faced with an arch-nemesis: laziness.  Laziness is the poison of progress.  It wastes time.  It discourages people.  It creates regrets.  We are not willing to overcome our laziness and surpass our bloated selves to perform to our fullest potential.  To succumb to laziness is to relinquish your genius.  Relinquishing your genius is equivalent to that of yielding your happiness, for it is our genius that we are able to pursue our passions and live happily.  


Even though we find the heavy chains of our own laziness cumbersome, we sit still with those chains on our legs and let the consequences of indolence act upon us.  We lose interest in our passions.  We lose interest in life.  We lose interest in happiness.  We become sluggards, mediocre people, fat bloated imbeciles.  


I am not averse to lazy people.  In fact, I am friends with many of them and I too am quite lazy.  However, my biggest turnoff is when a person who has already discovered his genius neglects to perfect it.  The negligent one lies on the couch, his eyes glued to the television, his mouth hanging open like a cavern.  Every minute of his wasteful life, his genius deteriorates because he refuses to pick up his instrument and practice, he ignores the work that he is obligated to complete, and he shuts himself from the advice of his peers and parents.  


"You're so smart and talented, if you just got up off your lazy ass and tried you'd be brilliant!"  How many times have we heard that?  How many of your parents say that increasingly annoying pet phrase of theirs?  It may be annoying, but it speaks the truth.  To neglect your genius is to neglect yourself.  If you neglect yourself, no one should be obligated to any favors from you.


Genius requires patience and perseverance.  It is a tedious task but immensely rewarding.  However, to be a prodigy and be negligent and apathetic is not genius.  It is pure stupidity.     




        

Scrapbooking Life

I am a memory collector. It's a little bit like scrapbooking. You find the prettiest pictures, the coolest souveniers, and you arrange them on the page in a way that captures a moment of your life.
I don't actually take many pictures or save many little souvenirs, but in my head I have an epic scrapbook of all the little moments of my life that make me glad I'm alive.

I tend to have mood swings. I'm either really happy and hyper or depressed and on the verge of (or having) a breakdown.
When I'm feeling depressed, feeling drowned beneath all the pressures of life, I generally break down and cry. (This almost always happens at home, though. I hold off breakdowns if I feel them coming on during school, and wait till I'm alone to cry.) Sometimes it takes a really long time, but when I dry away my tears, there's always something that makes me reach into that dusty corner of my mind and take out the scrapbook of all the good times I've had.

Little things, like a song I sang with someone, a note someone wrote me, a random drawing someone did, an epic book discussion, a cast of characters, a shared conspiracy, a rant, a compliment, a card, a story, a secret, a joke, a smile, a promise, a word; these things are what make life worth it.

In the end, when it comes down to it, your life won't be measured in what grades you got in school, how popular you were, how many boyfriends you had, what college you went to, or how much money you have.
It will be measured in how many smiles you shared.
How many lives you touched.
How many happy memories are in the scrapbook of your life.

School is Hell

12:11 am.  Should go to bed.  Eyelids feel like lead weights.  Fingers itch.  Face hurts.  Pretty much half dead.


I'm hungry too.  Didn't get to play my clarinet at home today.  Played  a bit at school.  Damn, school's taking too much time away from my artistic ventures.


I've mentioned in one of my previous blog posts that I advocate hard work and diligence.  In this entry, I shall criticize how we students are overworked and screwed over by our school system.  

You may think I'm contradictory.  You may think I'm a hypocrite.  You may even think that I'm full of shit (which is true) and will cease to read this blog.

I do not believe that I'm being contradictory nor hypocritical.  I admit that I am a full-time bullshitter but my BS is substantial.      

I am merely trying to convey my sense of balance in our academic careers.  You may disagree with me.  I do not care.  This blog is open to interpretations and contentions.

Let me begin with the basics. School starts too early.  WAY too early.  Everyday we get up at 6 or 7 in the morning to brush our teeth, get dressed, and wait for the bus.  Around 7:45 school starts.  This morning routine doesn't seem that bad at first glance.  But in context to an average high school kid's life, it is quite a drudgery.  

Due to the immense amount of homework and rigor of extra curricular activities, we sacrifice countless hours of our free time to fulfill our obligations as students.  The problem is, we are not given enough time to do all these things, let alone any time to relax.  

Study halls are futile.  They are noisy, distracting, and too crowded.  Consequentially, we flock to the school library to study but the admission to the library is strictly limited.

Why have study hall when no one gets studying done?  This "class" is unnecessary and only fills up time in our high school schedule.  It should be omitted.  

Lunch time is too short.  It should be at least an hour long everyday.  We have 6 classes in one day, each class being an hour long and only a 45-minute lunch period?  Preposterous.  Lunch, or any other meal is something that should never be rushed.  We spend a good deal of time, at most 10 minutes to buy inedible school lunch and grab a seat and eat.  That leaves us with 35 minutes to relax.  That is NOT enough.  We should be given an hour each day in school to completely lose ourselves in our own worlds and forget everything about grades and tests and quizzes.  This is not called slacking off.  It's renewal.  Sharpening the saw.

The reason why we burn out is because we are constantly overworked.  I am not saying that we should screw high school and be idle the rest of our lives.  I am a hard worker.  I think everyone should be a hard worker.  But our school system wastes our time with such unnecessary crap such as poster projects and regurgitation of reading assignments, while simultaneously cramming our schedule with stupid study halls and labs.  We don't learn anything new by repeating what we did in elementary school, and our brains don't function properly without sufficient relaxation.  Please, lose the trivial ceremonies and let's get some real schooling.  Let us have a bit more fun and we will repay you by being better students.
To be blunt, school should start at 9 and end at 1.  'Nuff said.