Endings

On Thursday night, I couldn't sleep.
I was lying in bed, feeling like shit, tired, but not sleepy.
So I went and found that story I had written so long ago. It was sitting squished under a pile of old crap, and it looked forlorn and unfinished. I hadn't been able to look at the story since my realization of what an asshole PassionFruitJuice actually was and how stupid I had been to think I was in love with him.
Anyhow certain life circumstances finally convinced me to let go of that story for once and for all. I would lay it to rest by finishing it.
I gave PassionFruitJuice an ending. The ending I wrote was completely different from all the endings I thought I would give it, different from the endings I thought I would give him.
When I was a lovesick little seventh grader, I always thought I would end the story with an engagement scene that would sweep you off your feet and melt your heart or at least an epic kiss in the snow with sparkling snowflakes on everyone's eyelashes.
Then as a bitter and disillusioned ninth grader, I couldn't even bear to think of the hours I'd wasted writing the stupid story, all out of love for him. And if I did chance to think of an ending for the story, it woud have been quite the violent and unhappy ending for PassionFruitJuice. Perhaps he would end up being eaten by a ten-headed slow-torturing monster from hell. Or he'd be trapped in a sewer forever or something fun like that.
Two nights ago, I realized that I really didn't care that much about this boy anymore. But the story didn't need to die because of that. I didn't have to kill it, or him, figuratively, just because I had fallen out of love. The ending was acceptance that not every little girl's crush ends up being a gorgeous fairy tale, but it doesn't have to end in blood and guts either. It felt good to move on without destroying the past. I'm actually getting back into this story, but not as a sort of manifestation of an affection gone awry. It's just a story that I wrote when I was younger, and it's quite amusing and fascinating to see the way I thought. Plus the story's not terrible either.
PassionFruitJuice has strolled nonchalantly back into my life, but not as an object of adoration or abomination. He's just a piece of the past that I'm rediscovering.